Siamese Dream

CN Tower Honest Eds Millie Ho "Siamese Dream" Flash Fiction Story

View of the CN Tower from Honest Ed’s.

Laura and I went to the freeway after school because we both didn’t like going home.

We sat on the cool sidewalk and swung our legs through the guard rails, sharing one iPod that blasted The Smashing Pumpkins on repeat.

Sometimes we’d make plans for an important event, like the egging of the house of Dwayne, this popular kid we both hated, or maybe secretly liked, because that was the only way we knew how to get his attention. Or we’d arch our backs, raise our straws, and shoot tapioca bullets into the cars below, into the blurs and the streaks, the things we couldn’t reach.

But mostly we just sat there and doodled things, trinkets and cartoon characters and the things we wanted, like a new skateboard or book or an apartment in the city.

“Someday we’ll move out of this town,” I said once, “and be extraordinary.”

Laura grinned, showing the hunger in her eyes that only I got to see.

Four years later, I would read about her on the news. I was a senior in college by then, buried in the back of the library, cramming for exams.

We hadn’t spoken in a while.

I reread the article to make sure it was her. When I was certain, my hands flew to my mouth.

Then I closed the article, turned up my iPod, and went back to work.

Millie’s Note: I was obsessed with The Smashing Pumpkins during high school and spent the money I earned writing for a local newspaper (my first ever job!) acquiring the entire discography. I went to random used CD shops to find the compilation albums and box sets I couldn’t find in stores, and once sat on a waiting list for ~7 weeks to buy a used version of Pisces Iscariot. I wrote this flash fiction story when I found Siamese Dream while moving my stuff. Good times!

My Novel Revision Process & Lessons Learned

Writing Millie Ho Novel Revision Process & Lessons Learned

Revising in dank coffee shop basements near you.

This past weekend, I finished revising the novel I started this April. The New Story has been sent to beta readers, and I’ll do more revision once I get their feedback, but for now, the hardest part is over. Here’s a timeline of my writing progress:

  • April: Ditched the Long-Suffering Manuscript and plotted a new novel, the New Story.
  • May: Finished writing Draft One by turning off my brain. I printed it off and put it away to revise later.
  • May – June: Worked on short stories/poems/art to take my mind off the New Story.
  • July – September: Pulled out Draft One and started revising. I wrote Draft Two, then revised Draft Two, wrote Draft Three, then revised Draft Three…
  • Late September – early October: Followed an instinct and restructured the entire story. This became the final draft I sent to beta readers.

Overall, it took me six months to plot, write, and revise the New Story. Compared to the nearly five years I spent on the Long-Suffering Manuscript, this is a big improvement. Along with my output speed, I like to think that the quality of my writing also improved because I got a lot more practice done in a shorter period of time, which is aligned with my goal to finish more drafts this year.

Here are some challenges I ran into while revising, and how I would do things differently the next time around.

Lesson #1: Stop cramming in too many new ideas.  

I took lots of notes while writing Draft One. These notes ranged from solutions to plot holes, to characters I wanted to add in or kill off, and other random details like which person had jowls and how I would describe a police station made of pink granite. I took these notes to stop myself from editing the story whenever I got a new idea and also to sustain my writing momentum.

Then I revised Draft One and tried to cram in all these new ideas, which was a mistake. Sure, some ideas were interesting to explore, but that didn’t mean I had to explore them in this one story. As a result, Draft Two was bloated with stuff that didn’t necessarily enhance the story. I spent a lot of time in later drafts pulling out the weeds. Next time, I will add only the most urgent and relevant ideas and save the rest for stories to write in the future.

Lesson #2: Plot loosely for each new draft.

Since Draft Two was so bloated, I needed to re-plot Draft Three to get the narrative back on track. Because I felt the story had gotten out of control, I reverted back to control freak mode and tried to plot every chapter of Draft Three down to the last detail. Looking back, this made the writing difficult in two ways:

  • My characters became more passive because the story was becoming more plot-driven.
  • I was living in my head (plotting, making notes, etc) more than I was writing.

I lost two weeks of writing productivity because I was painstakingly re-plotting everything, and in the end I scraped most of these plans anyway. When I’m writing, I’ll run into situations I can’t predict, so it’s better to place the narrative in the hands of the characters and let them run the show. I now know that it’s better to develop a loose plot for each new draft and to simply readjust the story when it needed readjusting.

Lesson #3: Do more exploratory writing instead of deleting things.

If a character wasn’t working out, I would simply cut them out. A few days later, I could be out walking and think, “Hey, why did I cut out Character X? They could’ve been useful in This New Situation.” But by that time, I would’ve gotten too far into the new draft without Character X to even bother with putting them back in again.

I learned that just because something wasn’t getting written smoothly didn’t mean it didn’t have a place in the story. What I should’ve done was open a new Word document and write a scene or two featuring the character that was giving me problems, and let them explain their story to me. This would’ve saved me a lot of headache and allowed the narrative to unfold more naturally.

Lesson #4: Get more comfortable with making big changes.

With each new round of revisions, major elements of the New Story changed. Draft One was set in a futuristic environment, but the story in the final draft took place in contemporary Toronto. I also removed four major characters between Draft One and Draft Three, and changed 90% of the story when I restructured everything in the final draft. The word count went from 98,298 (Draft One) to 121,731 words (Draft Three) to 62,635 (the final draft). These were some big changes, and I didn’t always handle it well.

There were days when I moped around, listening to 80s power ballads on repeat and reading John Ajvide Lindqvist under a blanket until my eyes fell out. What I should’ve done was just suck it up. Making big changes is just part of the writing process, dammit! Things got better once I learned to become more patient, so I’ll mope less the next time around (because I WILL MOPE) and get back to the blank screen quicker.

Next Steps

I’m switching gears and working on some stories and art to take my mind off the New Story until my beta readers get back to me with their comments. I’m also preparing to do some travelling this winter, so that should take up a good chunk of my time. All in all, I learned a lot about writing in the past six months, the most important lesson being that there’s always room for improvement.

Millie’s Note: What’s your revision or editing process?

The Particulars

Millie Ho Poetry The Particulars

I gnaw through blue fingers
raised in a half salute.

Let’s dissect the particulars.

The thread is loose
pull it out.

Crash and sail,
crash and sail.

It’s the fall now
so you’re out.

It’s easy to slip,
slip and slide,
cut and glide.

It’s the fall now
and I’m out.

Switch the order,
kneel and


Millie’s Note: I wrote this in the throes of my final Draft Three revision/editing efforts (which is due next week, ahhhh). This poem relates to the novel, and I decided to entertain the flash of inspiration and just write it down. So here it is.

More Experiments With Art & Illustration

Millie Ho Sketch Surreal Bunnysuit Illustration

I’ve been experimenting with a variety of art and illustration styles as part of my back to basics efforts. Most of the experimenting has been done on pen and paper, with a few digital illustrations.

Millie Ho Towel Head Surreal Illustration Art

The weird/surreal sketches come easiest to me, but I think they can be improved if I build a narrative around them, like I did for the supernatural sketches I posted a month ago. I’m still working on this.

Millie Ho SORROWBACON Cat Illustration Perish Art

Since I draw a cat comic, I also tried doing cat illustrations with a slight comic book slant. For some reason, the cat sketches in this style always come out chaotic and disorganized, but maybe that’s just the nature of me drawing cats. I’m not good at drawing calm cats.

Millie Ho Art Supernatural Office Illustration Supernatural

The above is the complete and digital version of a sketch I posted last month. I discovered that I like using bright and psychedelic colours for the final product, which I believe makes the content a little less gloomy (or maybe more gloomy by contrast).

Millie Ho Illustration Cat Eating Poison

Aaaaand here is a digital illustration of a cat binging on what looks like poison. This one was the first time I scanned a sketch and coloured it on my computer. I feel like I’m getting closer to what I want to achieve with illustration. At the moment, I think my style is like an extension of the comic I draw, infused with this kind of depressed manic energy.

I’m still figuring it out, but it’s going well so far. Sketching every day helps, so does committing to drawing weekly comics. Once I finish revising the New Story and send it off to beta readers in mid-September, I will have more time to work on the art stuff and update my portfolio. Huzzah!


Millie’s Note: Do you have a favourite art style/artist?

Strike On

Millie Ho Writing Writer Poems

Strike on,

Strike on,
lost ground.

Blood rocks can be
stepping stones.

Violet leaves,
our ceiling.

Let’s roll up them sleeves,
and find that single

We could leave today,

Draw the blade
beneath the clavicle
a second longer.

Carve the wisdom from
that meat hanger
and call it a


Millie’s Note: I went out last night, and as I walked around downtown Toronto, I thought about how a city at night could look like the wilderness. There was also this feeling of dark detachment and casual hedonism. I wrote this poem when I got home.